I'm having the time of my life with this headache and fever. And the only reason why I'm typing away on my laptop is because I can't seem to sleep because I keep coughing and coughing and coughing and coughing.. and coughing some more. As much as I love being in bed all day, I can't stand it. Staying in bed is nothing if I can't really sleep.
And the works I have that are not even touched yet.. well, let's just not go there. I don't know how am I going to keep up, with the over piling works I have in front of me. Finals is less than a month and yeay, a test tomorrow too. How great is my life??? In case you haven't notice, I'm being sarcastic here. I can't even sit up straight because my head suddenly weights more than it should, so all I have to do is lie down and what? Cough?? Speaking of work, I'm meeting a customer from Little Hellion again tonight. The second meet up this week. Although I'm sick, I really don't mind going all the way for my lovely customers! I have a few more items to put up on LH today but I guess I'll have to wait until I get better.
Oh, by the way, have I told you? I think there's something wrong with my body or hormone or something because I'm sick since Monday and I have all these pimples across my face!
I look pathetic, I know! Even my eyes are not balanced. Okay, you can stop laughing now.......
No, really. I'm serious.
Do you like to present in front of people? I know I don't. Doesn't matter how small the audience is, I just don't like it. My level of confidence is average but when I go in front to present, my self esteem goes down as low as the ground. But what is weird is that it actually depends on my mood. I'm taking Presentation Skills this semester so of course, there are a lot of presentations I have to go through. A few weeks back, I had to present an introduction of any topic I chose. I was confident in front of the class that I shocked myself. I'm always nervous while presenting. So who was that standing in front of my class, presenting like she knows everything?
I'm now preparing for a presentation tomorrow. And only God knows how I hate preparing for a presentation. Let alone present in front of people. I know this is not good for my future as presentations are crucial. I guess this is why Presentation Skills is mandatory for Uni students. They want people like me to build up their confidences. But what if we can't and what if we don't want to build up our confidence? I always get so embarrass of my English. Being a Malaysian, running from speaking Manglish is quite impossible. I can't judge my own English but I'm scared I sound like a typical Malaysian English. I think that's one of the reason why I don't like presenting. Because people will know my English level. What if I pronounce a word wrong? How if I stumbled a wrong grammar? How??? That would be so embarrassing!
Despite the fact that I hate presenting and how I get so self conscious standing and talking in front of people, I wish I am good at this. I hope in the near future, I will be able to present spontaneously. I always respect people who can just go and present without preparing for it the night before. I always have to practise in front of the mirror with my flash cards in hand and I will time myself talking to the mirrored me. After practising a thousand times in front of the mirror, my hands still shake when I present the next day.
I always wonder, how do I get that confidence to be able to talk in front of people without stuttering and shaking? Any ideas?
I managed to get some 'me' time this morning. Both my parents left for Langkawi for the weekend and they left early in the morning. My sister went to school. So I woke up and thought it was a perfect time for me to organise my things. Seriously, my room is getting dusty and messy! So then it began..
For a moment, I didn't know what to do with all these things!
Then I started with my accessories.
Took me about an hour to decide on which compartment to put my rings, my necklaces, my earrings, bracelets..
And the hardest dilemma was to decide whether I should just throw away the old chunks. I know I won't wear them any more but it's either I bought it with my own money or I used to wear it a whole lot! And of course, a few other reasons to convince myself not to throw them away. I managed to toughen up and bid farewell to some of my accessories because it's not worth the space if I know I won't even wear them. After so many goodbyes, I managed to keep only the ones I need and will wear.
Deciding on whether I still need those nail polishes is another thing. I used to love colouring my nails with soft pink or purple during my period every month(since Muslims can't perform their prayers if they have polishes on their nails). But as I grow, I barely touch those colourful bottles. So I thought, maybe I should just let them go too.
Since my sister is still a fan of colourful nails, I passed them to her. Luckily, giving away my nail polishes wasn't as hard as giving away my accessories.
As I was deciding which box should I put my shades and which box should I put my hair products, I saw my cat trying to help me decide.
Apparently, he loves boxes too much. He jumped into one after another. I bet he thought he was in heaven since all these pretty boxes were all around him! I was distracted for a little while because of Ginger.
The whole process of cleaning up took the whole day but it was all worth it. I never felt so good! And getting rid of my old stuffs was such a relief. YES of course it was hard but I'll get over it when I go shopping :p I found a lot of memories, here and there. And that's the greatest part of cleaning up. I found hundreds of books tucked at the back of my closet. I used to collect the Olsens' twins and Lizzie McGuire's books. I loved them so much that the last time I cleaned my room, I didn't have the heart to throw them away. But today I set them up in a big box and placed it safely in the back room. That way I can always visit the back room whenever I miss those books. I also found all my medals when I was still in school. I was shocked to see how active I was in school compared to me now. I used to participate in netball, handball, high jump, long distance run. You name it , I've participated. I know, I know, I can almost see your 'Are you serious?!' look already!
I'm surprised I'm not in a Sports course right now in college! Despite how I've become now, I do miss my days back then. I used to jog almost everyday and I will go to school for netball practise even if the sun is directly above my head. And the feeling when my name was called in front of the assembly for the prize giving. Ahh priceless!
After spending hours cleaning up, I finally finished up by vacuuming my room.
After throwing away all the stuffs that I don't need, I realised that I need more rings, earrings and necklaces.
All the jackets, chiffons and traditional clothes that I love are hanged since they're my priorities.
Not that I don't love the others, but you get me right?
Again, OBVIOUSLY I need more tops and pants. Duhh!
Tried to do the whole colour coordinated thing but since I don't have enough tops in my closet after throwing away 4 plastic bags worth of clothes, I failed. Miserably. Have I told you I need new tops??
I changed the frames on my bed side table and placed the rose that Zahir gave me beside the photo of him and me :)
Pheww who would have thought cleaning up your room means making life changing decisions? Should I throw away that ring? Should I just donate this top? Would Nina take care of this dress if I pass it down to her? There were a whole lot more than that in my head, you have no idea.
I grew up in an environment where everyone hates me. No, I'm not being dramatic nor am I asking for sympathy. It's true, during my first 3 years of high school, I lived in my own life which consisted of my girlfriends and whoever I was crushing on at that time. And that's it. I didn't care what people think of us, I didn't care what the teachers have to say about us, I basically didn't care about anything except my pathetic life. Of course, at that time I thought my life was the coolest. My girls and I would strut the corridors in school like we own the school. And of course, everyone hated us. Maybe because we were too loud or maybe because we didn't mix around with other people. Who knows the exact reason but we knew we have the whole school hating on us but we couldn't care less. We really thought we were too cool for school but the fact is, we were so lame -____-
As I grow up, I started to realise why people hate us so much. We didn't care about other people's feelings and we did all kinds of things that will annoy normal people. I would hate me too, frankly speaking. If someone were to ask me why did I become that person back in high school, I would say that I was naive. I didn't know any better and I chose the wrong circle of friends. I'm still friends with one of them up until now, which is Fara. Yes, Fara used to be with us too but we both grew up to be someone sane and wise enough to leave it all behind us. Fara and I were so close to our families and I know that was the reason why we could pull ourselves back from that circle. Our families made us realise the things we did were stupid. So at 16, I chose my friends properly. I pushed away the girls that used to be apart of my life and boy it wasn't easy! We were too close back then, so they started to get confuse why I didn't talk to them anymore. Only Fara knew the truth. As much as it hurts, I had to. It's for my own good. I was kind of proud of myself that I can think wisely. Felt like a grown up already :p I started to be friends with people who take their studies seriously but can joke around at the same time. That was when I realised, I want to change to a better person.
So during my last 2 years of high school I got to cleaned my name among the teachers and students. Some of them got really weirded out by how much I've changed. I was so happy that I didn't have any haters! (Not that I know of at least!)
Until the day I created a Formspring account last year.
I created that account because Fara had one. I thought it'll be fun to answer all sorts of questions thrown at you. Wrong. Until today, I couldn't believe the fact that I still have haters even though I've changed, A LOT. If you compare me in high school and me right now, you'll have the shock of your life to see two very different people with the same physical appearance minus the extra kgs and skin tone(I was so fat and dark back then! Hee). I don't know where I gained these haters but I convinced myself that I was strong. No need to be a cry baby and whine about how I hate my life because someone hates me. Okay, fine. I admit I whined a little :p But Zahir woke me up and made me tougher. Not physically of course. I can't imagine myself with all those muscles..
Zahir made me tougher, mentally.
I dealt with those questions as if like I didn't whine about it before.
I was totally cool when I received this first hate mail.
But I lost my cool when they replied this. I can't tolerate people cursing like this. Grow up -___-
By the third question, I managed to laugh. I realised how stupid these people are, to waste their time criticising people just to make that person feel bad about themselves.
I'm so curious why would people make time for these things? Maybe they are jealous with your life, maybe they don't have a family as perfect as yours, maybe your house is bigger than theirs, maybe they don't have friends as caring as your friends. You know, it could be anything that you have that they don't. That's why they tend to make you feel so bad about yourself and your life because to their eyes, your life is perfect and their's are not. They want you to lose your confidence so that you wouldn't feel so good about your life. And it depends on the victim on whether or not they can survive all these criticisms, whether or not they can fight back and whether or not they can stand strong.
Because in life, people will always envy each other for what others have. Some of us have the courage to bring that person down (ie. that anonymous who attacked my Formspring) or we can carry on with our lives and work harder to achieve what we don't have. Because really, what good does it bring if you attack someone's life? What will you get from all the cursing? You won't be any richer, and you certainly won't get a raise from your boss. And the worst part is, they go as anonymous. So, your life is not perfect, you act like you're 6, you attack someone and you're a chicken too? Grow up and get real, haters. We know you feel bad about yourself but instead of making others feel bad about themselves too, why don't you push away the green eyed monster in you and make your life better.
So to those who've been attacked by anonymous, stay strong because know that they do that because your life is perfect to their eyes. And to those who don't think they can take criticism, don't create a Formspring account.
It's that simple.
Starting from today. Yes, I've always been scared of dentists as a child because the thought of having your teeth being pulled out by them just hurts. At lunch today, after dropping Nina off at her piano class, Mom accompanied me to the dentist for my scaling. I was shaking when I entered the room. Turned out, it was not scary at all. I didn't die, I managed to go through it and I'm a proud girl :p Even the dentist was friendly. Now I can feel that my teeth are squeaky clean.
Don't be surprise if you see me on tv doing a Colgate's commercial!
So, Im not going back to college tonight as Hazim cancelled our dance. So, I have to do my tutorial in rush tomorrow. Awish just went back. And Im missing him already. Talking about miss, I miss lover so bad. I havent really spend a day without him. I didnt get to see him today. Explains the withdrawals Im having. I need you, boyfriend. Sigh. I produced sweat today! Which is a total good news as I was eating like mad these past days. I learnt the steps I watched on Youtube. And boy, wasnt it hard! But it was all worth it when I finally got the steps. Not as sharp as the dancers but Im still trying. Still not in the mood to blog. That explains all the short posts I posted these past few days. Sorry! I'll post a long one when Im in the mood okay.
Went to Rimbun Dahan in Kuang for Graphic Communication today. It was one hell of an experience. Rimbun Dahan is actually an architect, Hijjas Kasturi's house. I slept on the bus and when we arrived, my jaw was hanging open. The land was very big, I tell you ! They have a guest house, a classic garage, the main house, a pool, a dance studio, an underground art gallery, gardens and everything ! I sketched everything that caught my eyes. All and all, I enjoyed it. Very much. After Miss Anum gave us our assignment, we went back at around 4pm. Slept again in the bus. Arrived in UM, got ready and lover arrived to fetch me. Went to Ikea to fill my stomach with a plate poached salmon and daim cake. Went to Taipan later on to buy dinner for lover's family. And he got me a ventti of Choc Cream Chip which I've been craving for for almost a month! Im home for the weekend and good news ! Awish is coming tomorrow. I cant wait. Now Im sleepy and knackered. Okay bye.
Its been a really long time. I was really busy this past couple of weeks with those piling up assignments, tutorials and dance. So I had no time to even press the ON button on my laptop. So many things happened but of course, I wont be typing it all here because I doubt I can type THAT long. But anyway, funny thing just happened. Since its been a long time I didnt blog, I forgot my password and spent almost an hour to track my password back down which fortunately I remembered out of the sudden. Of course, my palm automatically moved to smack myself on the forehead. Oh well, today is Saturday and Im home for a week as my mid semester break is finally here ! Well, well, dont get too excited. Despite the one week holiday, I have to finish off my assignments and tutorials. And not to mention, I have alot of studying to do since my mid sem exams are running towards me with full speed. I'm scared, no doubt about that since I have zero knowledge in Trig and Chemistry. I have to find someone to help me, ASAP ! So, enough with the studies and assignments. Today, I went out with the parents and all I can say is, today is another productive day. Its been awhile I didnt feel so productive but after getting those dresses and shoes, I feel so.. satisfied. I havent been shopping for so long and I missed the smell of new clothes.
Last Sunday was my Uni's Senior Junior Interaction Week closing night and the seniors asked us to perform the exact same dance we did at Faculty the other night. So we did, and this time, it was even better as the lightings were awesome and the sound system can really make you stand on your feet and shake your bootaayy. But some people, just dont get it and have the nerve to talk trash about our dance being so sexy and seductive. You should know by now how their appearances are. But hey, who cares ? If they dont like it, then why did they continued watching us on stage ? Ironic, isnt it ? Well, the audience who like our dancing screamed even louder when we started to dance to MJ's Billy Jean. I was so happy that our dance went so well that I think I slept with my lips pulled up to my ears :)
Turned out my intake for Uni is on the 25th of May instead of early July. Which left me with 20 more days in Subang. Im excited to start studying but Im not ready at the same time. Its too early for me and I havent prepared myself. Im not ready to leave Subang, though UM is not that far, but I still have to stay in the hostel which is the most hated part so far. I went through the terms and conditions on the internet last night and the butterflies havent stop lurching in my stomach since then. I even dreamt about it last night and it wasnt good. I dont want to leave my boyfriend and Fara. I want to live here with my family. But I guess its time for me to change my way of life. I have to learn to survive alone somehow..
Woke up at 10 and showered. Cooked pancakes for the family.
Something happened. I applied for Universities last month. The result came out at 12pm today. We were all so eager to see if I'll get in any Uni, that we were in front of Daddy's Mac since 11 something. When the clock stroked 12, the results were there. Mommy shouted when she read the result on the screen. I was oblivious and was so nervous that I didn't get in any Uni. But the butterflies in my stomach didn't stay long because Mommy ran to me and hug me with tears in her eyes. Adik, UM ! Adik dapat UM !, she shouted, jumping up and down. I was stiff then, speechless. I couldn't believe my ears. Daddy came out of his room and snapped me back to reality and hugged me. He said he was so happy that I get in UM. University of Malaya is very hard to get in. I was surprised, of course. But I was relieved that I already know where to pursue my studies. Alhamdulillah, I'll be taking an Architecture course there for my Foundation. The subjects are so hard. Chemistry 1, 2, 3 and 4. Calculus. Oh will I pull it off ? I hope so. But now Im just thankful I got in UM, Alhamdullilah :] The only thing I dont like is that I'll have to stay at the hostel in campus which is near Midvalley. Despite that its near a mall, I just dont like staying away from home. I'll be going in July, which is like, two months away. I've discussed with Daddy and he said I can find another job to fill my two months. So, I might be going to Pyramid to hunt for jobs soon.
Family and I went to Secret Recipe later to celebrate. Thank you, Daddy :] After eating, we went straight to Bukit Antarabangsa to Awish's house. I missed Awish so much that it hurts. When we arrived, I ran towards Awish and carried him in my hands. He was happy to see me. I spent most of my time there running here and there playing with him, listening to him talked about his friends and stuffs which was so cute that I felt like biting him. Haha At night, my family and Awish's family went to Cineleisure to watch X-men Origins. Before the movie, we went to eat at The Curve, a Thai restaurant. Awish wore a denim jacket and I felt like kidnapping him home with me. Argghh ! The movie was great, I love it. Daddy said it wasnt that good. He spent half of the movie sleeping, of course he said the movie wasnt that good. Haha. We arrived home late, so I talked to Zhr on the phone until I fell asleep. Great day :] I already miss Awish !
I'm starting this blog just because I'm tired of writing manually on a piece of paper. I've always loved writing. Now that technology allows me to just type instead of write, why not use it? I gave up diaries a long time ago and now it's time for me to upgrade from the Hello Kitty journals to my laptop.
I've always loved reading people's blogs and I don't know why it took me so long to make one myself. But here I am now, typing away in my first post! :)
I look pathetic, I know! Even my eyes are not balanced. Okay, you can stop laughing now.......
