Twenty Ninth and still counting

I can never describe how I feel about Zahir. Never. Every time I try to find out what it is, I'll be clueless. Maybe because I've never felt this way before. Or maybe what we have is something special, something very crucial that I don't care what people want to call it as long as it stays forever. Or it might be that my feelings for him is beyond anything that you can imagine. Better yet, it can be all of the above and more. What I know is that these feelings, all the shivers, the excitement, the happiness, the joy I constantly have ever since he came into my life twenty nine months ago is definitely love. A love that somehow can't be expressed in words. Indescribable, you can say. All you need to know is my love story is better than the love stories you watch and read. For sure.

We had been through stages in our relationship, both good and bad. Yes, every relationship has it's own fair share of happy and sad times, I'm aware of that but what Zahir and I had been through was unique in it's own ways. I'm grateful that we went through the hardest and the lowest part anyone can ever imagine but still managed to stick with one another. We also had gone through the bad times continuously, one problem after another, screaming into each other's ears but look at us now. We barely bicker over things like we used to because we've learnt and know each other better throughout the days, months and years. We survived and we managed to save our relationship all together. I admit, every time we misunderstood each other, I felt like I can strangle him but what do I know? I love him more than I thought my heart could. It's undying even if he annoys me.

My ego is as big as my head plus my whole body. Hence, I always want to be the one who wins if we argue. Yet, he never complains. I know the moment he asked me to be his, he accepted me for good or bad. He let me win every time and I love him more for that. Yes, I can be selfish. Yes, I can be a brat. Yes, I can be annoying. Yes, I can be whatever I want to be. He never complains as long as I stick to him and never leave. I realised I've been a pain in the ass to him for this long, so I want to change. I want to be the one who doesn't complain even if he's selfish. Even if he's being a brat. Even if he annoys me. He can be whatever he wants to be as long as he stays by my side and never leaves. I won't complain. Now, this is a big task for me as everyone knows I'm a serious complainer. However, I want to be good enough for him. I want to live up to his expectations. I know nobody's perfect but I want to be. To him, at least. I know it took me so long to change my massive ego but it's better late than never.

I may have gone through disappointments because of him and shed tears because of him but he will still be the best and remain on top of my heart. Always have and always will. That'll never change. Our relationship of 2 years and 5 months may be a short period of time to some of you but it may sound like a decade to some of you too. Whatever it might sound or look like, only Zahir and I know how our relationship is and how we managed to survive until now despite what we have gone through. I knew him before I know love exists and throughout my childhood life, my life revolved around him just like how it is now. He has been in my life since as long as I can remember and yet, I never feel bored. Not even a tad bit of bore. In fact, I love him even more each day and with every tiny littlest thing he says and does, I fell in love over and over again. I've never cared of how he presents himself, it has always been about him and him only. The person that he is was one of the many reasons I fell in love for real for the first time. He made me feel the love and care he has for me.

I might let out foul words and sometimes I tend to be ignorant, but bare this in mind, I've never stop loving him and neither have I regretted choosing to be with him. Words I've thrown when I was angry and pissed weren't as sincere as the words when I said 'I love you' or 'I won't stop loving you'. I've never said 'I love you' without meaning it from my heart. He's the air that I breathe every mili second, he's the water I need to drink every hour, he's the blinks I need every few seconds, he's the light I need to see through the days, he is just simply the guy that I need and love to make me stay alive. Without him today, I won't be as happy as I am now. I'm proud of him for not leaving me under any circumstances that he had to face.

Nothing can show you how much I appreciate your presence in my life but thank you anyway. For every single thing you have done for me. And a big huge massive SORRY for every bits of trouble you faced for me, every bits of burden you have to carry for me and for every tears you shed for me. I truly apologise for my immatureness for all this while.

You light up my life, Zahir Fikri. HAPPY 29th ANNIVERSARY, SWEETIE. I love you till my heart stops beating and our love is for eternity, I promise ♥

XO.